Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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