i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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