Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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