I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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