you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
