My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
