My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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