And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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