I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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