It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
