Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
