I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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