you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
