i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
