So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
