I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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