He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
