Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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