Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
