Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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