$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
