During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
