The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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