Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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