Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
