Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How naked do you want me to be?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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