All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
