the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
