apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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