you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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