just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
