I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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