I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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