Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
