just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
