I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
