I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
