Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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