I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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