You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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