Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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