I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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