How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
