Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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