Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
