Buhtt sex?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
