Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
