1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Weโre leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
but like who hasnโt gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
