You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
