I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
