I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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