If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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