$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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