i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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