is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
