the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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