why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
