You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
