Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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