come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
