Having a random hookup so left but love u
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
