I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
