1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
