yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
