Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
