I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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