I wish my penis had an off switch
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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