When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
