So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
