He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
