she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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