What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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