You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
