4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
