His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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