Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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