i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
