I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What a dumb baby whore.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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