shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
