opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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